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Not Worth It

Not Worth It

Girl. People get on my nerves. Though I don’t fight or argue, I definitely roll my eyes and give death looks. But one time, I gave in.

I would tell the story but I don’t want you guys take my side so I’ll just tell you that I once felt completely justified for issuing a tongue lashing.

But God checked me. I learned a while ago not to allow people to dictate my behavior. I think the cool kids say “don’t match people’s energy. Elevate higher.” It’s true. We can’t control other people’s reaction but we can control our own.

And it’s hard. Don’t think for a second it’s easy. I hate being the bigger person in the moment but later, I’m also glad I didn’t react. Later could be a hour, a month or years depending on how petty I’m feeling. I know for a fact that every situation doesn’t require my reaction but when I tell you it hurts to walk away, it hurts.

But I also don’t get mad over small things. Even when I know I’m being mistreated or blatantly disrespected. It’s really not in my nature to be confrontational or argumentative. I don’t like the going back and forth and I would rather not. But I know people who are like that. And I used to feel inadequate for not being as outspoken or aggressive as they were. They would check any and everyone. They don’t let anything slide and everyone knew how they felt. Me? I rarely say anything. I don’t like confrontation.

God told me that He would fight those battles for me. But that doesn’t make it any easier. I still feel like a wimp and weak. Why don’t I have it in me to go off like my associates and friends? I finally accepted that’s not who I am. And that God would take care of them. I learned to extend empathy and grace. I rationalized that maybe they were having a bad day or something but I simply accepted that everything didn’t deserve my reaction. I believe it was Joyce Meyer that taught me if I’m fighting all of my battles, then what does that leave for God to do?

God also led me to Ephesians 6:12. Here I am mad that I can’t fight with people and they aren’t even the enemy. It’s above them and me. It’s a battle only God can fight. Me going back and forth on the human level is a waste. The people I’m upset with are still God’s children and He loves us all the same. Our battle isn’t with each other. It’s not even our battle.

When Yolanda sings that song, I scream. But now I understand what it means. He really is just using me. I’m a tool, a vessel. And all I need to do is pray and trust God to direct my words and thoughts. It’s not for me to control or give anyone a piece of my mind but to deny my flesh and let God take the lead.

Most importantly, I need to be ready, willing and available. If I’m fighting in the physical then I’ll miss what God’s doing in the spiritual. My ego would keep me from His good and perfect plan and it’ll all be a waste.

So don’t engage in battles without a great deal of prayer and discernment. Save your energy, sis. You don’t gotta be right.

Next time, we’ll talk about how to fight.

As always, take what you need and leave the rest.

6 Comments

  1. Lexx
    May 7, 2019 / 2:57 pm

    THIS. RIGHT. HERE!!! “….then what does that leave for God to do!” Wow! That resonates with me deeply. As always, thank you Kay!!

    • Kay
      Author
      May 7, 2019 / 3:03 pm

      Thank you ♥️

  2. Courtney
    May 7, 2019 / 4:34 pm

    Soooo glad you’re posting again! Definitely refreshing and always right on time! Use your gift, Kay!

    • Kay
      Author
      May 7, 2019 / 6:23 pm

      Thanks Courtney!!

  3. Bayley Simmons
    May 8, 2019 / 6:06 pm

    This message is so on time linesister! It’s crazy how much your thoughts and struggles echo my own. My aversion to conflict led to toxic stress levels in college. But I remember reading an article that said as a professional I need a reset button, something that i could think about to instantly improve my mood. I found it in Lil Wayne mixtapes lol. This is dope, and so are you!

    • Kay
      Author
      May 8, 2019 / 6:23 pm

      That’s good advice! I’m going to do that. Thanks Bayley! ♥️

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