Guess who’s bizack?
Let’s get it!! So…
For the first time, that I can recall, I can’t track God. I have absolutely no idea what He’s doing in my life right now, what lessons He wants me to learn or what direction He’s taking me in. I’ve usually known. Even when I was unemployed. Yes, I was incredibly anxious and overwhelmed but I had peace. I was content. I didn’t need or want for anything. I was good. I can think of several tough or difficult situations where I knew what God was doing.
But right now, right now, right now, that peace has escaped me several times. This entire year has required me to be in constant prayer, fighting for my peace and joy. Before, it came with minimal effort. I am, however, at the point where I’m over trying to figure out what God has planned. It’s not my business. I actually heard in a sermon earlier this year that trusting God is like getting on a roller coaster with no tracks, blindfolded with your hands up. God hasn’t let me down yet and He never will.
A mood:
Randomness That Has Absolutely Nothing to Do with Anything:
Don’t ever try to separate me from any woman. I am every woman. I am ghetto. I am loud. I am boojie. I am proud. I am angry. I am mean. I am nice. All of it. Depending on the day, I’m all of them. I’m not better than the next.
I had the most kind driver while I was in Cancun. He spoke of his love for God with so much fervor and passion. It made me wonder if I do the same.
I no longer believe in coincidence or chance. God has already planned every step, every encounter, every moment. It’s been quite difficult to accept the notion that God doesn’t have his hands on every single aspect of my life, to believe that anything catches him by surprise or just happens. He orchestrated it. He allowed it. Whatever the “it,” it matters and is part of His good and perfect will.
When we pray for the desires of our hearts, we aren’t truly praying for God’s will to be done. What if what’s in our heart doesn’t align with His will? I read this blog that discussed how Hezeiah told God he didn’t want to die and God granted him another 15 years but this prayer led to his successor being born, Manasseh. Manasseh was the was one of the worst kings the nation ever had. If Hezekiah had died, Manasseh would not have been born and there would have been another ruler. Read more in 2 Chronicles 32:1-33. What if we ask God to do things that alter the course of our lives or someone else’s drastically? God knows best but there are times when we think we know better. Sometimes our prayer should simply be to let God’s will be done. Nothing more, nothing less.
I returned to the medias for the weekend but I’m gone again. Maybe I’ll return after I write a few more chapters.
I’ve been thinking about taking a solo trip for years. This year I’m going to do it.
